i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
