Kiss
Puke
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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