just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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