forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
