i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
