If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
