i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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