is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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