I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
