I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Semen is not good for contacts.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
