Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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