That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She told me I should be a condom model.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
