Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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