don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
