Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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