The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
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Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she peed on how many people?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
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Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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