whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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