hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
