All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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