So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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