and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just had sex bonerless
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
