I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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