people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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