I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
People in love make me want to vomit
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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