WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
