I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
