It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
