..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
