he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
