they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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