i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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