lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
