So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
