also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Randomize
