Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
