today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
