Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
