I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
