Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
