I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
