What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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