I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
