i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
