Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
