maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
