Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
