p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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