waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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