Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
