i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
