i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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