I am in a vortex of obligation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
