My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
