You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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