Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
