you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
