dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
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