Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
