There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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