Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
