I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Michael Bay diarrhea
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize