hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
