Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Come share oat with me in your robe
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
