y did u give ur computer a hand job?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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