That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
