then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
