Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
