I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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