He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
