I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
