If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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