Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
