I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
