So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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