i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
